Wednesday, December 22, 2010

10. learn how to knit socks. Make a pair for godfather's wife with the yarn bought in Colorado. (30 x 30)

Why was making socks so intimidating? I have no idea. It might be the instructions on paper which use words to describe a three dimensional piece of work. a la Miles Davis "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture"

After two or three independent tries, I asked for help. My buddy Jude taught me how to knit socks on one needle.


I screwed up though, left the instructions somewhere and rather than wait to find the sheet, decided to work two socks at once... Needles to say, it was too much for me. I frogged (which means to take it apart) the whole thing after a week's worth of work. In a retail therapy moment I tried to go to the knitting store in Newark, DE for some double pointed needles, but it was closed. I found the set I was looking for at home afterwards. oi.

The Big Book of Knitting was my first knitting book five years ago when I started. It has lots of klassy patterns, but most importantly it has easy to read instructions that aren't abbreviated. For example: "Continue working back and forth: In the first row, slip the last stitch on the second needle knitwise, knit the first stitch on the third needle, and pass the slipped stitch over. Turn the work. In the second row (WS [working side]), slip the first stitch purlwise, purl the following stitches, then pur the last stitch on the second needle together with the first stitch on the third needle. Turn the work. In the third row, slip the first stitch purlwise, slip the first stitch purlwise, work a single decrease over the last stitch on the needle and the first stitch on the third needle. Keep Repeating Rows 2 and 3 until all the stitches on the first and third needles have been used up. Put the remaining stitches onto 2 needles, at 5 stitches on the fourth and first needles."

I don't know exactly how to write that in knit-ese but it might look something like this:

Shape Heel:
1st row: P17, p2tog,P1, turn.
2nd row: K5, ssk, K1, turn.
3rd row: P6, p2tog, p1, turn.
4th row: K7, ssk,k1, turn.
Continue working in this manner, working 1 st more before dec in each row until there are 18 sts.
Next row: P18, break yarn.
Pick up and knit 18 sts along side edge of heel, knit 18 sts from needle, pick up and knit 18 sts along other side of heel. 54 sts.
Next row: Purl.

I don't know how to follow those instructions.









The key is turning the heel. All the rest is increasing and decreasing.






SOCKS FOR EVERYONE!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

15. learn the russian marche by mozart (30 x 30)

this item is being abandoned, orphaned, left out to dry, jilted.

When I moved to the small wonderful, my nails grew to damaging lengths, hard like vulture talons. This also happened when I moved to LaLa so I think it may be a natural defense mechanism. When scared in a new place, my body prepares me for the fight part of the fight or flight reflex.

As a consequence, I have had to relearn typing because it is different with talons. it also means that if I were to play the piano there would be an unacceptable clicking noise. Mrs. Lewis, my piano teacher up until I was 12 years old, had nail clippers in the basket next to the metronome and would cut off anything offensive to her ears. For someone who rarely has long nails, this time is a gift and I cannot cut them. Instead of learning how to play the russian marche, I instead took a hun-gar kung-fu class and learned how to utilize these new talons:

the praying mantis


the dragon


the tiger


the owl


(i just made that one up)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

20. Try living gluten-free for a month (30 x 30)

I am not a glutard, I just crush a lot. here are some of the wonderful gluten free and sugar free things I made in the past month:

ginger & taragon grapefruit marmalade, oatmeal raisin cookies





















peanutbutter banana betty


smoked turkey and vegetable soup


apple szarlotka, applesauce, anise tangerine marmalade


buttermilk cornbread & greens (collards, chard, kale, beets, carrots, celery, onions)




not shown:
chicken soup with rice
eggplant cacciatore
sage mashed potatoes
wasabi and alspice pecans
stuffed figs with goatcheese and pecans

thanksgiving i succumbed to homemade pumpkin pie (made with maple syrup). not gonna lie, it was worth it. there are actually so many things that you can eat still living gluten free like potatoes and lentils and rice. Basically, the only staple from my diet that was eliminated was cereal in the morning and I just made oatmeal instead. People looked at me funny because making the decision to live without gluten (or without processed sugar) seems extreme. Why would you give something up just because you can? It's not Lent or Ramadan or some other fasting holy day, so what gives. But really, why do I have to have a reason better than I choose to? "just because" seems perfectly acceptable to me. so there it is, gluten free for November!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

30. Finally attend a Halloween party dressed as Rogue from X-Men (30 x 30)

This is the primary Rogue look in most of the old X-Men comics.























I drew a design to make a one piece suit. I used old pants as a pattern for the bottoms and guessed at how to make the top part (which would prove ill-advised later)




After sewing the legs without any problems, I started on the torso and the arms. Because I didn't have a pattern, although I spent nearly an hour looking for one at the fabric store, the top didn't fit correctly. I started over.

























(#229 "Down Under" Issue of the Uncanny X-Men)



This time I used an old shirt as a guide for the top, which brought me SUCCESS! I made a catsuit! all on my own!






























Before leaving for DC on Thursday night before the Halloween party, I tried on my cat suit. I was going to steal one of my mother's bathing suits from 1982 which was the right kind of green and use a leather jacket that I grifted from a clothing swap in LA last summer to complete the costume. One leg! Two legs! starting to zipper up the back and rrrrrrrrrrrRIPPPPPPPPPP. the suit split right up the middle. I left it in my closet.

Plan C:
Snow-Bunny Rogue from the X-Men. There actually IS one issue where Rogue goes skiing. I put together the outfit and trundled down to DC. Hangin' with my bestie!


Posing as a super-hero is difficult:

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

27. take a metal-welding course (30 x 30)

This item on the list was going to be impossible to complete without a load of money; or so I thought. My buddy Brian has come to the rescue!


I've known Brian since I was 15. I had recently moved back to Arlington and was a sophomore in high school. One night our house was prank called ... the prankster's phone number was exactly the same except the last two digits were transposed. Turns out that we had a mutual friend who I hadn't seen since elementary school and thus started our friendship. I was always over at his house, we were always driving around in that huge green jeep with subwoofers in the back. And then tradegy struck and it all fell away. Brian went away to prison when he was only 16 years old. It inspired me to research policies and laws regarding capital punishment and made me start asking some serious questions about loyalty, friendship, faith, and ethics. Brian and I had written each other a handful of times in the first 15 years of his sentence; something changed last holiday season. A mutual friend, Derek, told me that his father had been talking to Brian on a regular basis. I thought we should write him a letter and maybe pass it along with our addresses to Brian. We did. Since then there hasn't been a month that's gone by that I haven't heard from him and that he hasn't heard from me.

Last time I wrote him my 30x30 list with the status of some of the items. He sent me back six handwritten pages and illustrated instructions on arc welding and acetelyne welding. This counts as long-distance learning I say!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

31 (from the 31x31, I know I jumped the gun). move out of mom's house




I can't believe I didn't google this man before I went to his house. My new landlord is quite the character.

Last week I started looking for an apartment in the general vicinity of where I work. I have a 2-3 hour commute on Monday to get to the worksite, I stay in a hotel, I am given a per diem, and then I usually drive back on Thursday which is another 2-3 hours (sometimes more depending on DC traffic). At the end of June 2010 I moved out of the house in DC and back into my mom's basement. The advice I was given at the time was to figure out what the job was going to be like, figure out more about the area, get more comfortable with this new role in my life. In the meantime, have this glorified storage situation in mom's basement. The other option that was rolling around was moving to Philadelphia. Most people asked why I wouldn't think to move to Delaware and I said because it's Dela-where? There were beautiful loft apartments east of the projects in North Philly and I wanted one. Saner heads prevailed because I wanted to start paying off my student loans and figured that Philadelphia was too expensive (why, yes, I did do a cost-benefit analysis). My god-father used to live in Delaware and he suggested I look into Newark. I scoffed.

Fast forward three months. I haven't slept in the same bed for more than four days in a row since May. I live in a hotel. I am homeless. It was very exciting in the beginning, but there was one night when I was going to sleep and realized that the hotel bed had become familiar. A bed without my scent felt normal. This is not normal. I nest. I create homes. I make do with what I have and can turn any situation into a nest of some sort. But it is completely unacceptable for a hotel to feel like a home. I am not Eloise. I cram my weekend with seeing friends in DC and working on the 30x30 list so that I am not static enough to feel like I don't have an anchor. This has exhausted me.

I can't live with my mom forever. Originally, we estimated that I would stay at the house until the end of October. I never unpacked my books or my quilts or my yarn. I unpacked my clothes and enough to keep me busy on the weekends. Art supplies are still neatly tucked away. All the knick knacks that I have collected over the years are still in their newspaper. None of the pictures of my family are on display.

Worried that some of the desire to find a new place was the result of a non-smoker mood-swing, I started looking for apartments. Last week during lunch I dragged my co-worker to an apartment building downtown in an old historic building. The apartment was too expensive, but it started the ball rolling. The idea of moving north to Delaware became something that could be entertained, although I still laughed at myself for thinking that I would be content living in a city so much smaller than my hometown. Combing through only two days worth of craig’s list posts I saw an apartment building online and without even going to the site, applied for the apartment. Monday, I drove to the building and walked around the outside and scoped out the neighborhood. There was a yoga studio down the street, an old-folks home across the street, and the cvs where I have been getting my rx filled for the past two months is four blocks south. There's a YMCA, hopefully with a pool. Maybe I can learn how to play racquetball. As I was standing on the sidewalk I thought to myself that when I find a place of my own that I really want to get a virgin mary bird bath.

I made an appointment to see the apartment and that was the first time I talked to George, who may be the most inviting and open man I have ever met. He just wants to share everything. He told me all about the neighborhood. He took me in to see the apartment and on the windowsill in the kitchen was a virgin mary statue. I felt like it was a sign. There are three walk-in closets, the original medicine cabinets, high ceilings, huge space. I told him I wanted to think it over but that I would get back to him by the afternoon or the next morning.

After posting a picture of the statue on facebook and text messaging my most downest homies, it became clear that I could move to this apartment. I called him up and he said, can you come by at 6pm to sign the lease. I said sure, knowing I had plenty of time to sign a lease before going to the Philly airport to pick up my co-worker.

I went to a strangers house. It's this huge brick building built in the 1920s by the Dupont company for the on-call doctor (before there were cell phones, people lived close to one another so they could communicate. crazy, right?). It looked like a museum inside, with masks from South East Asia, a divan and trunk from the same region. Japanese war-horse sculptures, fucking palm trees. There was new age jazz playing in the background. At first I thought he and his son had bought the house to make it into an office, not so uncommon. I asked if it was his office, he said no. My next thought was that the man was a black-market importer of antiquities and that no one knew where I was and that I was in a stranger's house. What also crossed my mind, is that I am a stranger to him, and how easy it could be to profit from stealing from a thief.

While he answered a phone call, I dug around for my phone in the fucking Mary Poppins of a Marc Jacobs bag, to no avail. I needed to post on facebook the address of my last known location. My mom would be so pissed if I didn't leave a trail for her to follow. He told me he wanted to show me the basement, but before that, we should share a drink. Thanks but I don't drink alcohol or sugar in general, kinda weird, I know. OKay can I get you water. Yes, water would be wonderful, thank you.

So he takes a glass and fills it with water from a source which I cannot see because the refrigerator door is in the way. How awkward can you get, in a strange old man's house, convinced he's trying to slip you a roofie so that he can take you into the basement ... I was very awkward. I didn't want to take off my jacket, I saw the lease on the kitchen counter and I just wanted to do that part. I drank the water, my eyes as big as saucers, waiting for the drop. He told me because I was interested in the virgin mary statue that I would really like what he had in his study. I expected to lose consciousness while climbing the stairs, but I didn't. In his study, there was an oil painting of his wife above his chair. He told me that he was in the middle of painting the picture while in south america, when his wife called from the states to tell him that she was in labor with their daughter. He left the painting as it was and flew to the states, where his wife labored for 48 hours. He had the wedding wreath from his marriage in a glass case opposite her portrait. I saw eviction notices on his desk upstairs. He had an entire bay window sill filled with family photos. I finally relaxed a bit.

Then he wanted to take me to the attic... and I followed him. Upstairs was an entire room that smelled like an anthropological exhibit. It was fantastic and amazing and unbelievable. African warrior statues, masks, pipes, head-dresses, musical instruments, spears, knives, a birthing chair and a headrest/pillow sculpture. He told me a story for each and every one. We looked through picture books of Africa. He used words like "genitalia" for describing some of the pictures (as well as some of the parts of the statues). Fucking surreal, that this man opened up his house and wanted to tell me stories for an hour.

After the attic I realized that my coworker was going to be waiting at the airport if I didn't do what I came to do quickly. George's son is in law school at the moment and no doubt downloaded the rental agreement off of a clearinghouse and filled in the blanks. His father is so proud of him though. I suggested that we use the version his son gave him because it would make the son feel like his schooling was being put to good use. We signed everything, but George doesn't really know what an electronic fund transfer is all about, so I tried to explain it to him. Not very effectively. I ran out of the house forgetting a copy of the lease and without keys.



This weekend I went to a pick your own farm with my buddy cara. We picked apples and climbed trees, and swatted at flies, and smelled rotten apples, and went antiquing beforehand (which is where I bought some pie pans and a very awesome cat apron). I bought a pumpkin without thinking ahead. I don't have a home, no where to put a jack-o-lantern. So the first place I went this afternoon after picking up the keys and a copy of the lease was to the apartment. I put the pumpkin next to the virgin mary statue and got a little weepy.



I also found treasures all over the apartment: a toaster oven from the 1960s. Cleaning supplies, cooking utensils, soap in the shower. Also, this weekend after the apple picking, Cara and I set to make apple desserts with the crop we picked. I made an apple pie. My very first pie, totally from scratch, no sugar, whole-wheat flour; and I cut bars and stars into the top crust. When I took this pie to my tuesday group (so I could impress someone, although thinking about it a little more, it was quite a gamble... it was the first pie I made ever. It could have bombed horribly, he said it tasted divine, like Fall spit into his mouth.). I asked everyone what they thought about this pie and was told to make it a little sweeter, that it needed ice-cream, and then a small little man with a gray beard and very short shorts told me that I should use a mandolin to cut the apples, that it makes them cook more evenly and easily. Wouldn't you know that one of the treasures I found in the new apartment is in fact a mandolin.

So there you have it. I have set the wheels in motion to move out of my mom's house and try a new adventure. The movers come next Monday. Won't lie. I'm really nervous about this decision. It feels like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when Dr. Jones has passed through the first two tests successfully and has walked out to the chasm. It's that step into the air, even though he's already thrown down sand to show the way, that still takes a mite of courage.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

19. ride a bike to my mom's house and back in one day



Unfortunately, this goal was tweaked a little because I moved in with my mom when I got a job that has me commuting north for four days out of the week. Makes DC rent a fairly ridiculous prospect.

Instead, it was decided that a ride from the Palisades to the Billy Goat trail would suffice. My buddy Matt is the same height as me, and lovely for me, he volunteered to help me in this endeavor way the hell back in January. He probably forgot about it, but I did not. The plan was to meet at 10am and then have a lil bit of coffee, fit the bike seat, and start riding. Once to the Billy Goat Trail we'd hike out to the Potomac and have some lunch and a lil swimming. Then, we'd hike back to the road and ride back to where we started.

p.s. :



All well and good, until I slept through my alarm and the bridge from Arlington to the Palisades (the most direct route) was closed. Driving out the GW Parkway and up 495 to the Clara Barton Parkway, I arrived to the meet about 45 minutes late. Got some food and water, tested out the bike and off we went!



Although the route mileage was not equivalent between the first plan (20.8mi) and the second (17.2mi), I think the added hike and swimming was compensation enough. It was such a wonderful DC day. Perfect weather. I even got a little sun across my nose.





While having a swim and lunch, we saw a blue heron and lots of little fish who nibbled on toes and fingers and legs and scabs; as well as a Northern Water Snake.







and this is me after the ride, holding my bits because they hurt. It was really an awesome day though. Now, I want a bike so that I can go fast like all the other people who were passing us. Bikes are awesome.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

29. play an entire game of tennis, keep score



My buddy Jenny and I have been playing tennis at American University for about a year. We figured that out on the court this afternoon. We wanted to play more last Fall but it got too dark too fast. We picked up in the Spring and were playing on my lunch break, but when the Summer rolled in, we nearly passed out in the heat.
It's always been a really nice non-competitive time, we never kept score. For the 30x30 game, Jenny knew how to keep score; but we did have to phone a friend in order to figure out the service box boundaries (thanks Josh!).



Game - Set - Match
I think I may have won two games in two different sets. The scoring goes Love, 15, 30, 40, Game Point. I lost lots of points from having the most horrendous serve, please see proof:



After the second set, two games in, there was a shoe fail. The Saucony sneakers that my "Anut" Pat gave me probably 10 years ago finally fell apart. The heel glue didn't have anymore to give. Luckily Jenny had an extra set of sneakers in her bag! Game On!



All in all, Jenny kicked my ass: 3-0. We were super tired afterwards; tennis is hard.

Friday, September 10, 2010

5. Go Sky-diving




We went out to Ocean City, Maryland for the jump. After nearly throwing a temper tantrum because I had not had breakfast, Jason and I went and got breakfast sandwiches and some coffee ... early enough that they would not come back to haunt us. After not reading any of the waivers, but signing and initialing everything that had to be initialed, Jason and I were the second pair to jump. I was only slightly disappointed that Jason had not made a mix for the occasion, usually, he's all over those sorts of details. Instead we were made to sit through Foo Fighters' "looking for the sky to save me" song on repeat.

Well hello ruggedly handsome man who I will be strapped to while hurtling through the atmosphere (up where the air is clear, oh let's go fly a kite). Is that a camera attached to your wrist? So this entire experience will be recorded? I did not sign anywhere saying that I would not drop the 'f' bomb on this excursion.

We flew over Chincoteague Island and Rugged Man pointed out the ponies in a field. We flew over the Atlantic Ocean. We flew up and up and into the clouds 12,000 feet. He said I wasn't to put my feet on the bar but to just aim my feet straight down, and then he pushed us out of the plane. I closed my eyes and was scared for about 3 seconds. And then I opened my eyes and was scared for another 3 seconds. And then he tapped me on the shoulder and made a thumbs up sign and gave me a high five and we continued the decent. It made my ears pop. I was worried my shoes were going to fly off and hit someone on the earth, in the head, or perhaps make for a close call. He handed me the yellow strap to hold and pull down to my right hip and down we spiraled as he told me to look at the horizon. I almost got too dizzy. And then I told him I was very concerned with helicopters and I saw there was a hospital across the highway from the airport and asked him to be especially vigilant against flying into those deadly rotor blades. and then we landed.

We survived. Jason made it down too in one piece. A huge thanks to Jason and his buddies for putting together a trip of 14 people for sky-diving.

Friday, July 30, 2010

12. Go to Barbados, snorkel



we saw sea turtles, sting rays, puffer fish, rainbow fish, a sunken garbage barge, tea party members, sparrows, bone beaches, and blatant showing off of muscles by the Jammin' crew.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

7. weigh 150 pounds, figure out what that is in stones

Working towards this, I have done a couple of things:

1. I stopped eating processed sugar (unless I am tricked by the restaurant and they sprinkle it on my sweet potato fries). I even stay away from "evaporated cane juice" because I've seen the wizard behind the curtain, that's how granulated sugar is processed. No "Sugar in the Raw" because it's bollocks. I've been using honey and agave syrup.


2. I stopped drinking soda, or carbonated beverages in general. No san pelligrino, perrier, etc. Straight water, tea, coffee, and only fresh sqeezed juice.
3. I stopped drinking caffeine (for the most part). Only decaf for this coffee lover. Which no doubt won't help me lose weight in the near future, but I'm hoping that cutting it out will make my metabolism more regular and more natural. We'll see. It was also starting to make me jittery.
4. I had been walking about 10 miles a week around DC when my car was out of commission and when the weather turned nice. Also was going to yoga with some regularity. Haven't been able to keep this up for the past couple of weeks. Hopefully I will be able to make some time on the weekends to do some exercise things.
5. Yesterday, I went and got a colonic with my buddy Jason. It made me want to vomit. Realizing that I have some control issues to contend with... hahaha.


UPDATE: march 2011. I started this year weighing 186 pounds. Over the summer I slimmed down to 155 at my lightest. This winter I gained a lot of it back and weigh 176 pounds which converts to 12.6 stones...those must be big fucking stones.

This year I have acquired a bicycle and very good running shoes, I hope to sign up for the National Triathalon with the sole goal of completing the competition. My buddies Jessie and Bruce have finished triathalons so I'll get help from them!

Friday, May 7, 2010

13. Drive a scooter, come home alive


Last Friday night I was taught how to drive a scooter! After a catering job with a foreign dignitary, I got gussied up, went out in the big bitch heels. Met up with Melvin at 18th Street Lounge, hung out for a minute and then went to an empty parking lot by Catholic University. I drove the scooter all by myself around the parking lot, three times!

Never panic and pull the front brake. apparently, as long as I remember this, I'll be fine in Barbados.